Galau.

Lagu cinta yang meledak di pasaran itu biasanya berupa lagu galau. Patah hati, putus cinta, Bang Toyib gak pulang pulang, pulangkan saja pada orangtua… Zaman sudah berganti, lewat beberapa generasi, yang diingat ya yang itu itu lagi.

Film romantis legendaris yang mengena di hati biasanya film tragedi. Lihat saja, film tentang kapal yang tenggelam, Romeo dan Juliet..eh trus apa lagi, ya? Aku gampang lupa sama film drama.

Intinya, manusia gemar juga menikmati nestapa….

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Rekam jejak.

Bak berjalan di atas sebuah titian

Mati-matian kau tahan keseimbangan

Oleng, kau jatuh menghempas bumi

Kau kuatkan tekad untuk bangkit lagi

Kau angkat tubuhmu berdiri 

Kau jalani titian itu kembali

Ujung titian masih jauh terbentang

Masih juga kau jatuh berulang

Di tengah tengah kau tertegun terdiam

Terpana melihat raga yang mulai lebam

Sebersit tanya melintas di benak

Mungkin bukan ini jalan yang mesti kau pijak?

Jadikan biasa.

Ketika hati telah berulang ulang membisikkan hal yang sama

Sayangnya emosi menafikkan berulang pula

Dan logika yang masih saja menimbang sini dan sana

Serta harapan meski hanya sebesar lubang jarum namun ia tetap ada

Ketahuilah jika nurani itu tak pernah salah

Jika ia berkata lepaskanlah

Maka sebaiknya perlahan lakukan yang engkau bisa

Jika ada satu titik untuk memulai terbiasa

Mulailah hingga akhirnya kau akan merasa rela….

Luka hati.

Pernah nggak? Sebegitunya merasakan perih..sedih..hingga kau menangis tanpa suara? Isak yang mati-matian ditahan, tapi, air mata terus meleleh tak berkesudahan? 

Tangis yang tak ingin terdengar, kepedihan yang mati-matian disimpan sendirian, menurutku adalah tanda betapa dalam sesungguhnya sebuah luka hati itu.

It’s never about that girl.

It’s not easy for me to get jealous. 

It takes stages, levels for me to get jealous.

And when I get ( slightly ) jealous, 

Trust me.

It’s not about that girl.

If she’s good, oh well then…she’s good.

If she’s not, oh well..

My main focus will always be you.

How you react.

What you say.

What you do.

What you post on your socmeds.

It’s never about that girl.

Everybody goes on holiday.


Festive seasons, everybody goes on holiday. International, domestic destinations. Everybody goes on holiday.

3 festive seasons, I didn’t go on any holiday. I went for a short getaway, on my own with some friends. And it can’t beat that feeling, when you’re on vacation with your loved ones.

Selfpitied, of course I feel that. But the fact that I can’t afford ( yet ) to go on decent holidays which my kids used to have,  keeps my feet grounded to the earth. If that’s the fact, then I must admit and accept it.

Ofcourse I can always take them to more affordable trip and destination, I guess it won’t be much of a deal for the youngest boy. But for my oldest  ( and considered almost spoiled with luxury ), well.. I don’t know. Call me coward, but I still can’t handle myself of being turned down by my own child *hiks*. Eventhough by turning me down, it’s simply because he just concerns about my financial well-being.

So… everybody goes on holiday. But like any other day(s), this shall pass too and things should be back ‘normal’ again, soon.

21 minutes after officially turning 41.

First, thank you and praise to Allah… for today I’m still breathing, healthy, and content.

Couple of hours ago, with the sound of takbir, I had an unforgettable moment with my teenage son. We talked about our issue, we cried, we hugged, and in the end we said ‘ I Love You’ to each other.

You see… separation, a divorce is hurting everybody. Especially your kids. You may say : ‘ in the end this shall pass..’ but don’t you know, you selfish parent(s) : the damage is severe to them. True, they may heal. But the scar stays forever.

If your marriage is not dangering or potentially threatening your life, try to make it work. No matter how hard it is. If being ‘unhappy’ is the reason, try to find your own happiness without hurting these young hearts. Believe me, you don’t need anybody to make you happy. YOU CAN DO IT YOURSELF! Talk to an expert. Find a hobby. Do some, or even more exercise. But more important is : have a gut to holding on to what you have, which is…your family!