” …and there’s always someone else you put first before yourself. Your parents, your spouse or partners, then your kids. You gotta learn how to appreciate yourself better,” said somebody to me.
During my university years, it was always about my parents.
Bad grades, I felt like humiliating my parents. So I studied hard. For them.
Dating, I thought about my dad. Do not get impregnated before marriage! Otherwise I’d humiliated my parents…
I struggled for part time jobs, because I did not want to burden my parents.
Then I got married for the same reason : did not want to be a burden to my parents because in the same year my brother went to university and I knew it would cost them a fortune.
And because that man (at that time) loved me so much, too much.
Then I became a mother.
Lack of sleep, for my kids.
Quit smoking, for my kids.
Wake up in the wee hours of the morning and never be able to have 8 hours of sleep anymore, for my kids.
I stayed in toxic relationship for almost 17 years, for my kids.
I stayed in another toxic…uhm.. I’d say a little less toxic ( but still toxic, you know what I mean ) relationship for years… I don’t know. For whom?
For him, who has always been there, along the way during my darkest days?
…Eventhough I know the possibility for us to be together is only depend on God’s merciful will?