Pakem.

Sesuatu yang sudah ada sebelumnya, aku pasti harus bisa terima.

Akan tetapi sesuatu yang datang, atau dibiarkan datang sesudahnya…

Oh!

Belum tentu bisa ku perlakukan sama.

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That Million Dollar Question.

” …and there’s always someone else you put first before yourself. Your parents, your spouse or partners, then your kids. You gotta learn how to appreciate yourself better,” said somebody to me.

During my university years, it was always about my parents.

Bad grades, I felt like humiliating my parents. So I studied hard. For them.

Dating, I thought about my dad. Do not get impregnated before marriage! Otherwise I’d humiliated my parents…

I struggled for part time jobs, because I did not want to burden my parents.

Then I got married for the same reason : did not want to be a burden to my parents because in the same year my brother went to university and I knew it would cost them a fortune.

And because that man (at that time) loved me so much, too much.

Then I became a mother.

Lack of sleep, for my kids.

Quit smoking, for my kids.

Wake up in the wee hours of the morning and never be able to have 8 hours of sleep anymore, for my kids.

I stayed in toxic relationship for almost 17 years, for my kids.

I stayed in another toxic…uhm.. I’d say a little less toxic ( but still toxic, you know what I mean ) relationship for years… I don’t know. For whom?

For him, who has always been there, along the way during my darkest days?

Or

For me?

…Eventhough I know the possibility for us to be together is only depend on God’s merciful will?

Skeptis.

Seorang teman yang baru menikah pernah berkata,” Aku percaya, jika kita dijauhkan dari seseorang, Tuhan pasti menyiapkan pengganti yang lebih baik.”

Aku berpikir, apa iya?

Pedas, Karetnya Dua.

Ada 2 hal mendasar yang biasanya aku lihat dari seorang laki laki. Yang pertama, dan terpenting : mulutnya. Kalo banyak ngoce, ngebacot apalagi pelacur (pelan pelan curhat), biasanya aku malas.

Bagiku, seorang laki laki itu tak perlu banyak bicara, namun ketika berbicara, ia mampu memegang dan mempertanggungjwabkan kata-katanya itu.

Lagian, bukannya tugas perempuan ya, untuk lebih bawel daripada laki-laki…?

Nomer dua, adalah dompetnya.

Matre? Duh hari gini, mau makan cinta aja, ya nggak lah.

Eeehtaaaapi….. adalah kadarnya sampai harus dibilang cewe matre. Aku mah enggak, aku mah realistis…

Jika sekedar diminta beliin atau nraktir makan saja ribet, segimana berharap bisa diharapkan menanggung hidup?

Jadi laki laki itu jangan pernah merasa dijadikan sapi perah oleh perempuan, lebih baik mengaku saja bahwa ” Iya, aku laki laki pelit dan perhitungan”. Selesai. Perempuan yang dinikahipun ngga merasa kecele.

Gila aja, jika masih membuat perempuan harus usaha sendiri memenuhi kebutuhannya. Karena, jika kami perempuan bisa memenuhi kebutuhan kami sendiri, kelak kami pun hanya butuh kalian sebagai donor sperma dan teman tidur saja.

Love, Romance or Lust?

Love is real. As long it’s within family.

Romance is not real. It’s often sugar coated, and get easily corrupted by expectations.

But lust… Lust is real. It tells you who you really are. This is the moment when you let yourself to leash the devil inside of you, freely..willingly.

Spoiled.

No Maid :

Boy : ” Mooooom…. can youuu…”

Mom : ” Do it yourself!”

And the boy did everything by himself.

With maid :

Boy : ” Mooooom…. can youuu…”

Mom : ” Do it yourself!”

Boy : ” Nggg….. eMBAAAAKKK…..!!!”

Because all the sudden the boy has no clue how to tear a sachet of chilli sauce.